Relationships
During Pregnancy - with Partners, Family and Friends
During pregnancy you will experience many physical and emotional changes. These changes are likely to have an affect on your relationships with the people closest to you (partners, friends and family). One of the best ways to get the support you need and help the people in your life understand the changes you are going through is by communicating with them.
Communicating with Partners, Family and Friends
Your partner, family, and friends can all comfort you in different ways when you're feeling vulnerable. An effective way of getting your emotional needs met is by choosing the right person to talk to about whatever it is that’s on you mind. This means talking to someone who can listen to you and relate to your feelings. For example, if you’re worried or feeling down about how your body is changing talk to your mother or a girlfriend who’s had a child about your concerns. These people, having experienced some of the changes you are going through, will be able to understand your feelings and help you see things in a way that will help you.
Tips for Communicating
- Find a local mothers’ support group to go to and talk about stuff with. If your closest friends live far away or don’t have children they may not be able to help as much as someone in the same situation as you. You may even make a new close friend. Ask your doctor, childbirth centre, or local community centre about mom groups you can go to.
- Don’t try to hold your feelings inside and talk about stuff as it comes up. If you're feeling excited, sad, worried, or anxious, make time every day to talk to your partner, friends or family members about what’s going on.
- Ask your partner to share his/her feelings with you. Partners who aren’t pregnant get stressed out too, so asking them how they are feeling let’s them know you care and helps them deal with whatever is on their minds. Doing this also helps you take your mind off your worries. Remember communication is a two way street and it’s important to keep the lines of communication open at both ends.
- Be honest about your feelings and don’t push “negative” thoughts and feelings away. Sometimes women are more worried and scared than they are excited about their pregnancies and this may be a hard thing to talk about. If you are worrying a lot about having a baby and you don’t want to talk to friends, partners, or family about it, ask your doctor about getting some counseling so you can begin to deal with your feelings.
Sex and Intimacy
During pregnancy both you and your partner may feel differently about whether to have sex. Some women become more interested in having sex while they are pregnant while others may feel physically uncomfortable or tired and not want to have sex. In the same way, some partners may feel more aroused and want to have sex with their pregnant partners often, while others may feel less interested. These differences are because of changes in hormones, stress levels, fatigue, and worrying about the safety of the unborn baby. It’s important to remember that everyone is different and that these changes are normal.
Facts about Sex and Intimacy during Pregnancy
- Sexual intercourse does not harm the baby, but check with your doctor if it becomes painful.
- Oral sex is OK, but be careful! Don’t let your partner blow air into your vagina because it can cause an air bubble in your blood stream. This is a very serious complication. Also, don’t have oral sex if your partner has a cold sore (herpes virus) because the virus can infect you.
- Many couples can have sex right up until labour but there are some situations when your doctor may tell you not to have sex. These include:
- If the placenta is over your cervix.
- If your water has broken.
- If your cervix is opening early.
- If you have a history of going into labour early.
Tips for Having Sex during Pregnancy
- If the sexual positions you normally use are uncomfortable try new ones that feel better.
- Use pillows to help support your body wherever needed.
- Too tired? Try having sex in the morning or afternoon, or anytime you are well rested.
- Breasts leaking? Try wearing a padded nursing bra.
For more information on emotional health during pregnancy, sex and intimacy during pregnancy visit the following websites:
Health Canada
http://www.healthycanadians.gc.ca/hp-gs/pdf/hpguide-eng.pdf
BC Heath Guide
http://www.healthlinkbc.ca/kbase/frame/hw194/hw194974/frame.htm
Women’s Health Matters
http://www.womenshealthmatters.ca/centres/sex/expression/childbirth.html
Planned Parenthood.org
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/ask-dr-cullins/ask-dr-cullins-pregnancy-5323.htm
Sources: Parenting.com: Emotional Support During Pregnancy. http://www.parenting.com/article/Fertility/Planning/Emotional-Support-During-Pregnancy
Baby’s Best Chance: Parents’ Handbook of Pregnancy and Baby Care 6th edition (2005). Province of British Columbia: Ministry of Health.