Relationships
Preventing & Dealing with Abusive Relationships
Staying out of abusive relationships can be especially hard for people who grew up in homes where abuse happened and/or had a parent who was addicted to alcohol or drugs. Sometimes in home situations like this, children learn to live with abuse and think it’s a normal part of a relationship. This can mean that they live with abuse as adults.
To stop these abusive relationships from continuing in your life and passing them on to your children, the best thing you can do is get to know your family’s history of abuse and/or addiction and get to know yourself. This means figuring out and stopping your own abusive/addictive behaviours. Take a look at the way you treat yourself, and others, and how you allow others to treat you. This also means not allowing yourself to in be in any type of abusive relationship.
Putting a stop to ongoing abuse and addiction, and learning new and healthy ways of being in relationships is challenging for anyone. Doing this will probably mean that you need to get some professional help, support and counseling.
Emergencies Involving Abuse
Abusive relationships often lead to emergencies. Such emergencies include any situation where you or someone you know has been or is about to be physically or sexually abused. Often people in these abusive situations feel they have no one they can call to take them safely to emergency care. They might also not have anyone they can leave their children with. This is why it is important to have a safety plan in place so that you can act quickly in an emergency.
Making a Safety Plan
- Think of a safe place to go if an argument starts. Avoid rooms without exits, such as the bathroom, or rooms with weapons, such as the kitchen.
- Make a list of places where you can go and people you can call in case of an emergency. Make sure that this list is never available to the abuser. Better yet memorize these emergency phone numbers.
- Keep change with you at all times in case you need to make a phone call from a phone booth.
- Establish a code word or sign so that family, children, friends, teachers, or co-workers know when to call for help.
- Think about what you will say to your partner if he or she becomes violent so that you can get out of danger.
- Teach your children what to do in an emergency including how to call for help. Have them memorize emergency numbers too, in case they need to call them.
Transition Houses and Emergency Contacts
If you or someone you know is in an emergency situation and needs immediate care, call 911 and/or call the organizations listed below who offer emergency services and shelter for women, with or without children, escaping abusive relationships.
Victoria Women’s Transition House (24 hour crisis line) 250 385 6611
http://www.transitionhouse.net/links.php
Women’s Sexual Assault Centre (24 hour crisis line) 250 383-5545
http://www.vwsac.com/
Hill House - Cridge Centre for the Family (24 hr. crisis line) 250 479-3963
www.cridge.org/women.htm
Spousal Assault Victim Support Program
250 356-1201
For information on counseling and addictions services for families and children and/or legal information and other resources for women and children visit the Resources section of this site.
For more information on Abuse visit the web sites below or click on the following links:
BC Health Guide - Abuse Emergencies
http://www.healthlinkbc.ca/kbase/topic/symptom/dabus/emer.htm
Prevention of Abuse
http://www.bchealthguide.org/kbase/topic/symptom/dabus/prevention.htm
Health Canada
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/pdfs/fem-2006-abuse-wrg_e.pdf
Alcoholics Anonymous
http://www.bcyukonaa.org/index.html
Canada Drug and Alcohol Drug Rehab (Support Group Meetings – AA, NA, Al-Anon)
http://www.canadadrugrehab.ca/British-Columbia-
NA-AA-Narcotic-Anonymous-Alcoholic-Anonymous-Meeting.html
Canadian Mental Health Association
http://www.cmha.ca/bins/index.asp?lang=1
Sources: BC Health Guide – To Prevent Violence.
http://www.healthlinkbc.ca/kbase/topic/symptom/dabus/prevention.htm
BC Health Guide – Domestic Abuse Emergencies.
http://www.healthlinkbc.ca/kbase/topic/symptom/dabus/emer.htm
Health Canada: Abuse is wrong in any language.
http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/pdfs/fem-2006-abuse-wrg_e.pdf